I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
