dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
