I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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