just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
