I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
