I'm so fucking centered right now
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
