She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
