Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
