seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
