Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
