All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize