im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
