OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
