halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
