the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
