Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
