Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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