Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
