Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
