When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize