THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
