I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
