thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
