did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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