I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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