the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
