ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize