So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.