A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
your room smells of hookers.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.