I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.