so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
two words...techno handjob
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.