Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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