I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?