Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.