There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.