Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.