Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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