How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
