He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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