She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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