i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
