why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
