I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Who died my cat blue again?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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