I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
