I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
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i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
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Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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