At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
