I'm laying in your front yard are you home
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
