paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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