I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
