Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
