It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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