to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
