I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize