I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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