I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
