Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's always time for handjobs
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
3 2 1 whiskey
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
