dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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