this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
