Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize