I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
