Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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