Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
