And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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