Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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