Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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