this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
