Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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