there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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