jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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