So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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