She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
