bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
