I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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