I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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