I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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