I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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