It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
