last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
babies were throwing up all over the place
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Four minutes until I can fart!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
