i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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